A curmugeon. You can tell because he looks like one. Perhaps he’s angry that he can’t find his nose. Or that his spine is tingly.

So actually, this guy robbed a bank just to prove to himself that he could. He didn’t use a gun or even wear a mask. He just stared at the teller with those piercing eyes, and without saying a word the teller knew that she was through. Over and done with. She bundled up all the money and handed it over without raising any alarms. Impressive, you might say. She later met up with the curmugeon at a local franchise arm of the largest instant coffee empire known to man. He ordered the Deep Down Mocha Hound, and she ordered something sweet (to match her seasonal sweater). They really hit it off. After 2 years of dating they got married, had a couple kids, and one of them grew up to cure cancer.

True story.